Introduction
Imperfection and flaws define our existence. People damage good relationships due to slight misunderstandings, sometimes on purpose and other times unintentionally. Betrayal is often the cause of damaged relations. However, it is not always true. Friendships, co-workers’ dealings, and family ties can also fracture besides romantic affairs.
One person is sometimes responsible for the damaged bond. However, there are often two sides to a story. It is necessary to admit that no one is immune to mistakes. Mistakes may cause damage suddenly, or the damage may occur over time. Here are suggestions on how to save a relationship.
1. COMMUNICATE
The goal of communicating is to save a relationship by finding a solution and for mutual understanding. It is not winning the argument or justifying why you are right. Most often we think about what we will say next when our partner stops talking instead of purposefully listening to them first. Hence effective communication is very vital.
For effective communication, follow the following steps:-
Listen carefully to your partner
First, request your partner to give their opinion. Do not start by giving your thoughts and discussing what you think is wrong with the bond you once shared. Listen and then deliver your opinions and ideas after. Ask your partner what they like about your connection; what they feel is not working and how to save a relationship. Remember that most conflicts are caused by poor communication skills. How we communicate can unite or tear apart a strong bond. At this point be open to whatever they have to say. Allow them to finish their thoughts before you interrupt.
Understand their point of view.
Oftentimes, we do not know how to save a relationship because we don’t get to know the opinions of our companions. Sometimes the friendship just ends without actually resolving or knowing the root cause of the issue. Focus on your partner’s point of view and try to understand their thoughts and reasoning. In case you don’t understand, ask more questions until you get it. Your partner will more likely be willing to listen to you if they feel heard and understood.
Give your opinion calmly
After listening to your mate, give your opinions in a collected manner. Talk lovingly and if you are in a romantic relationship, you can hold your spouse’s hand while maintaining eye contact. It would be improper to shift the blame on your other half at this point or to nag on how the connection you both have is annoying or stressful. By doing this, you are being insensitive and inconsiderate.
Be objective and clear while at the same time referring to the issues raised, if they are the same points. When communicating remember that both of you are affected by the relationship status. Therefore, try to be neutral and avoid the blame game.
Ensure that you both want the same thing – to save a relationship.
2. Take responsibility
It is important to admit if you are at fault. Take full responsibility for what happened but do not try to justify why you did it, do not also attempt to blame your companion’s attitude for your actions. Blaming someone or something else worsens the situation too. Understand how your behavior or actions hurt your partner. Do not be defensive of your mistakes.
Own up lovingly. That creates the opportunity to reform and to rebuild trust. Owning up to your mistakes might not save the relationship at this point. However, it will put you in a position of honesty and truthfulness with your partner in the future.
3. Flag out unhealthy habits and behaviors
The third step on how to save a relationship is flagging out unhealthy habits and behaviors. Constant accusations, criticism, disrespecting your partner, and ego attacks camouflaged as questions derail relations and especially romantic ones.
Some of these behaviors are:-
The Blame Game
Some people are in the habit of blaming each other for their mistakes. Example: ‘You left the windows open…’ ‘Oh, it’s because you are the one who opened them in the morning.’ Shifting the blame is a toxic behavior because when partners are busy shifting blame, they lose the opportunity to be kind to each other.
Making Assumptions
Assuming that you know what your partner is doing, who they are talking to, where they are, and what they want damages healthy bonds. Assumptions are beliefs that we create with our minds and hold onto them as true. We all assume many things in life; however, with our partners, we need to talk about the issues that are not clear. Other habits are criticism and contempt.
4. Make Lemonade out of the Lemon
When seeking answers on how to save a relationship, use the differences or problems that you are going through are opportunities for you to make your friendship strong and purposeful. It’s a chance to understand each other better, appreciate and embrace the differences that brings out the uniqueness in each of you.
Take advantage of the opportunity to listen deeply to your partner, to understand their values, their beliefs, and their fears. Conflicts are a transition to something better if we focus on the positives. Next time you find yourself in conflict and wondering how to save a relationship, take full advantage of the situation positively rather than negatively and learn more about the values you share and individual values. Make the best out of the situation.
5. Resist external interference
Toxic relatives, workmates, and friends enjoy nothing more than undermining the integrity of a strong union. Sometimes out of jealousy, their inferiority complex, or pure malice. These people create conflict and derailment in a marriage or friendship. Some people we interact with either at the workplace or within the family, we sometimes wish that we hadn’t met them. This is because of their negativity and derailing comments and behaviors.
The best thing partners can agree to do about them is to remove them from their lives. However, in some instances, you may not be able to do this because they are family or workmates. But you aren’t always able to do that. Some people in your family or at work are unavoidable. So, learn to live with them but limit the amount of information you share with them about your affairs- especially romantic contacts.
6. Forgive and forget
As you work out how to save a relationship, forgiveness is vital. This step is crucial in the reconciliation journey. Do not dwell on past mistakes and misdoings. Let go of the bygone. Whether you lied or he/she lied, or something awful took your once strong connection to the edge of breaking, just forgive. Do not bring back the memories of how hurtful you felt because nothing will change them. Focus on the present. Forgiveness will ease the pain.
You have learned from the mistakes and made the best out of them, now let go and apply the lessons learned in this journey of reconciliation.
7. Do not unearth the past mistakes
Now that you have forgiven each other, do not bring up issues from the past. Do not use past mistakes and arguments to justify or to validate your actions. This will take you back to the rocks.
Focus on the present by improving your communication skills. Bury the past hatchet and forget about it. Use the lessons learned in your past mistakes to build a better understanding of yourselves but do not bring them up.
8. Remember and Revisit the good old days
Take out some past photos and go through them together. They can be a wedding, get- together with photos or videos of your first vacation. Revive the good positive memories and revive the good feelings. Recall how you rocked the dance floor in your youthful days.
Remember the first days when you met and fell in love. Visit the place where you first fell in love. For a work-related tie, reminisce the days where you worked together to achieve work goals or the last happy work moments. Talk over the good plans you had for a happily ever life- if you are a couple. Write down the couple goals you had and go over the list and trace your achievements. Remember to focus on the positive vibes.
9. Love unconditionally
Take deliberate actions to reconnect. Think about the good attributes and values that originally attracted you to each other. Feel and express unconditional love, for we receive what we give. Remember the universe will respond to your positive vibes of love by giving you more reasons to love your partner.
Dwell on the positive attributes and let them know that you love them unconditionally, for love is the greatest force in Nature.
Complement each other at least four times every day. We all love compliments and they make us feel loved and appreciated. Be intentional and committed to addressing the needs and concerns.
Work together to do the dishes, make a call during the day to just say ‘I love you’. Buy gifts, spend quality time with them, and show your genuine concern. Be open and honest at all times. Express your thoughts and feelings lovingly.
10. Visit a Therapist
The last step on how to save a relationship is visiting a Therapist. Working together with a qualified therapist can guide you on the reconciliation journey. This is especially true if the nine steps above do not work and you are both in agreement that there is a reason to revive and strengthen the love you once had for each other. A therapist provides a caring, supportive, and non-judgmental environment to help you find a way through any difficulties you may be facing. A therapist will help you, guide you and give you practical approaches on how to identify the issues or problems you are facing.
Relationship therapy refers to therapy with adults in romantic union.
It may not be easy to make the decision. Sometimes people are afraid of admitting they need professional help. Put your worries aside and feel around for the right therapist. A therapist will guide you on how to save a relationship in the form of teaching you about healthy disagreements and fighting clean, or identifying and tackling the problems that you may be facing.
A goal of a therapist is to help you to step back and to take a more objective view in general and in specific, the challenges you are experiencing. You will be encouraged to work together to rescue the relationship.
